How Did We Get Here
by writeonkay
Summary: Being married, a parent, and divorced before 30 definitely was NOT on Kendall Knight's game plan. Life has a funny way of leading him places he didn't think he would find himself. And it doesn't seem like it's finished yet.


_**A/N; Let's talk for a second about the fact that I probably should NOT be starting another story right now, considering I dropped other ones. I blame my best friend Kacie, this is all her fault, oops. (ily Kacie, I know you're reading this) On The Brink is actually nearing the end, though, for anyone here that reads that and is checking this one out, so I shouldn't have problems balancing.**_

_**Anyway! This story! This is actually very family-centric, in terms of all of the guys kind of being Kendall's son's family (oh yes, daddy Kendall, did I mention that? oops.) The main focus is that, but it does have intent of being Kogan, which you'll only see kind of subtly in this first chapter. Hopefully you guys dig it.**_

_**Thanks to anyone that reads and all that. Reviews make my day!**_

_**-Kay.**_

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**Chapter 1**-

Divorce was shitty. Kendall had sworn he would never in his life get one. After watching his own parents go through one that ended in his dad's existence practically completely dissipating, and then a few more years down the line watching the way Brooke and Lance Diamond's cut-throat divorce antics had effected one of his best friends, the blond had been so extremely sure from a relatively young age that he despised divorces and would never, ever be a person who got one and put his family through that. He would marry a sweet girl that got along with his family and his three closest friends, a girl who understood him and supported his dreams, as well as had some of her own that he could support, too. A girl he loved, he would marry a girl that he loved, and they would be happy.

Life had a funny way of working out.

Everything had seemed so good, so _right _way back when. He and the guys were on top of the world. New album, new tour, tons of time to be doing what they loved with some of their favorite people. Logan unsurprisingly was the first of them to realize that time was going by fast, and there were other things to do in life outside of Hollywood. They had all been reaching about twenty at the time, and apparently that meant it was time for some serious epiphanies.

Again, Logan had been first. He and Camille were still a thing then, but Camille had hit a rough patch in her career, no one was casting her. She got clingy, need, _expectant_ of Logan. Kendall had always figured that that was what had pushed one of his three best friends to make such a quick run from Hollywood and all its leeching tendencies. Logan had always been the one with the good future ahead of him, anyway. It wasn't so surprising to any of them when he told them he couldn't do Big Time Rush anymore. They all understood, wished him well, even, as he moved up to Northern California, near the beach, far enough from Hollywood, but still not too far from them, going to school like he wanted to.

Four had turned into three, and for their management team at the time that was a big problem. Kendall wasn't so affected. Sure, his being in an internationally popular boy band and dating one of Hollywood's biggest and most loved up and comers had him being one half of Hollywood's power couple, but he knew he didn't need the band to keep him happy. He still had his friends, he still had Jo, and he had been looking into LA's hockey team drafts on the down low, he wasn't worried about himself.

Carlos probably had it the hardest. He didn't really know what to do or where to go. The whole spy girlfriend thing with Alexa hadn't worked out (_shocking_), the band was splitting, and he didn't really want to go back to Minnesota when his friends were still sticking around in California for the time being. He took a year to spend some time doing auditions for various TV programs, even landed a couple of small parts. Then he ended up realizing he wanted to be on the other side of the camera. Directing turned out to be what worked for him.

James? Kendall worried about James even less than he worried about himself, and that was saying something. James was _set_. Rocque Records was quick to pick him up as a solo act when the band split up. He finally had the pop star dream he always wanted. After his debut album dropped and was a huge success –unsurprisingly, he _was _James Diamond, after all- he was doing great for himself. Then Lucy cheated on him with her drummer. Low blow to the Diamond ego, but James had surprised even Kendall by not letting it break him. If anything, the brunet used it as fuel for his career. He didn't exactly pull a Taylor Swift on the world, but it definitely changed his attitude, somehow made him even more confident –if that were possible. He was James Diamond, pop sensation. What did he need Lucy freaking Stone for anyway?

Everything had been good for them, that was the point. They all had their respective worlds, but they had each other still, too. The LA Kings rookie draft was going to be Kendall's shot. It wasn't the Wild, which seemed the slightest bit traitorous, but it was hockey. He would finally get to go back to playing. Big Time Rush, making music and being with the guys, he loved that, and he wouldn't have given that experience up for anything in the world, but hockey was his one big dream. It was all he wanted to do, and finally he was going to be able to.

Then they found out Jo was pregnant.

Kendall figured that was probably about the time that things started to be not so good anymore. Not because he didn't love Jo, and not because her being pregnant was any kind of deal breaker for the two of them, it was just then that things were so forced into perspective. He'd barely been 20, Jo just 19. They weren't by any means ready to be parents; they'd never even _talked _about having kids with each other. Their careers had always been something of a priority.

Hockey got put on hold for a wedding. He may not have been entirely ready to be a dad, but he cared about Jo, and, dammit, he was going to do right by her. So they got married. Mr. and Mrs. Kendall Knight. The wedding was beautiful, and one of those events that was in magazines and on TV for months after the fact. _Hollywood's Youngest 'It' Couple Ties the Knot! Kendall and Jo's Happily Ever After!_

Months went by and the wedding headlines turned into baby bump and parenting headlines. The worst part about the whole thing, Kendall thought, was that they couldn't just be _left alone _about it. Jo's publicist had been so for milking as much press attention as possible. He hadn't had it in him then to argue, because Jo's career was at a high point, and at least one of them should have been able to keep their dream. He's already secured their future together with a ring and a child, taking away her freedom to keep working and doing what she loved didn't seem right, didn't seem fair. They were still happy, still okay, that was what mattered.

And yet, there he was: twenty-five years old, looking tired and rugged if only because he hadn't bothered to shave for a few days, sitting in an attorney's office, doing the one thing he had sworn he never would. He felt a little ill.

"Mr. Knight?"

Green eyes flicked up from the grey speckled carpet at the sound of the receptionist's voice.

"You can go in now." The middle-aged woman gave him a small smile as she pointed toward the closed mediation room door.

Kendall sighed heavily as he stood up and made his way over, brushing his hands down the front of his khaki pants before opening the heavy wooden door. Jo was already seated at the table with her lawyer. Kendall gave her a small, only slightly awkward smile as he sat down with his own lawyer across from her.

All things considered, he probably should have felt grateful. Circumstances of his and Jo's divorce were on a completely mutual level, there wasn't really any anger or fighting. It was just… time. After four years, it had gradually become clear how much they weren't actually _in love _with each other. They ended up married, because they had thought it was what the right thing to do at the time was. They cared about each other, of course, and they had their son to consider now, but staying in a marriage that in reality probably shouldn't have happened in the first place didn't seem entirely sensible. Still, Kendall didn't necessarily like the way it felt to be ending something that was supposed to be lifelong.

Mediation was simple. There was no yelling or arguing, only nodding and compliance. Jo would get the house, they'd have joint custody of Dylan, it was all pretty quick, easy, and relatively painless. Kendall signed where he needed to and watched carefully as Jo did the same. He knew it was really only a formality, the whole divorce thing. Everything with him and Jo was fine, they were still friends, and they still had Dylan together, but his gut still wasn't quite settling.

It wasn't until they had finally wrapped up the paperwork and headed back out into the lobby that the curly haired blonde young woman turned to him to talk about something that didn't involve legal terminology.

"You okay?" she asked gently.

Kendall mustered up a smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. Are you?"

"I'm fine." Jo nodded. "Thank you for doing this today. I just didn't want to put it off until February, you know?"

He didn't know, actually, but he nodded anyway. "When does your flight leave?"

The whole purpose of them going through with the signing of the papers so soon was so that it could be over and done with before Jo had to leave for filming in New Zealand. She was going to be gone for a month or two –depending on production. Her being gone meant Kendall was left with their four year old son for that time. Not that he minded in the slightest. The reality was, they called their parenting arrangement joint custody, but more often than not, thanks to Jo's busy schedule, it was more of Kendall on his own with sporadic Jo appearances.

"A couple of hours." Jo answered after looking at her watch. "I should get back and finish packing. You can pick up Dylan from the daycare place, right?"

"Yeah, I got it."

"And you're staying at the house while I'm gone?"

"I think it'd be easier for him than being at my mom's, so yeah, that was the plan."

Jo chewed at her lip momentarily, and then nodded. "You're right. Okay. Well," she paused and looked at him with a vaguely sad smile before she surprised him by winding her arms around him and hugging him tightly. "Thank you, Kendall. Really. For everything."

Hesitantly, he hugged her back, simply nodding in response to her thanks. He didn't really want to say 'you're welcome.'

.

"Is Mama gone already?"

Kendall caught his lower lip between his teeth as he situated the blond four year old in his car seat and got him buckled in.

"Today, Miss Amber let us make colored macaroni necklaces and I made one for Mama, look." Dylan held up the string dangling with purple and red dried noodles.

"We'll mail it to her, okay, bud?" Kendall smiled and pressed a kiss to his son's forehead.

"Daddy, wait!" Kendall halted in closing the car door. "I made you one, too, look." The little boy held up another string of macaroni noodles, this one blue and green. "I used boy colors for yours."

The blond smiled widely and took the noodle necklace from the child, slipping it on over his head. A dimpled smile that mirrored his own spread across Dylan's face.

"It's awesome, buddy. Thank you."

Once in the driver's seat of his shiny black BMW, Kendall pulled out of the daycare's parking lot, simultaneously tapping the touch screen device of the car, going into his phone contacts to call Carlos. Both of his nearby best friends were well aware it was "D-day," as they had taken to calling it, so they had planned on hanging out to be there for him. Carlos finally picked up the phone on the third ring.

"Carlitos! The deed is done, man." Kendall announced.

"How you feelin'?" Carlos's voice rang through the small car.

"I'm alright." Kendall replied simply. "We're still hanging out tonight, right?"

"Duh. I got burgers for us, hot dogs for Dylan, grill's waiting."

Kendall smiled and flicked his gaze to Dylan in the rearview mirror when he heard a soft 'yes!' at the mention of hot dogs.

"Alright, well, we're on our way, we'll be there soon."

"Sounds good! Oh, hey, what about the c-u-s-t-o-d-y thing?"

Kendall was half sure that Dylan had little to no idea what custody even meant, but he had to admit he was a little thankful for his friend's carefulness to spell it out so any questions could be avoided for the time being.

"It went fine. We're all equaled out. Or as equal as me having the next month or so by myself can be considered, I guess." He answered, shrugging.

"Does that mean you've got little man for Christmas?" Carlos asked.

"Yeah, and-"

"Mama's going to New Sealand." The four year old raised his voice enough from the back seat so that he could be heard over the speakerphone.

"New Zealand, bud." Kendall corrected.

"S'what I said." Dylan replied, as if it were obvious.

The light haired twenty-five year old let out a chuckle and shook his head. "You're spending too much time with your uncle James."

"No such thing, Daddio." Carlos snickered on the phone. "Speaking of James, though, I should call and make sure he knows to still come over."

"Pull him away from Andrea."

"It's Victoria this week."

Kendall snorted. "Well, at least he's enjoying himself. I'm gonna call Logan and rub it in that he's missing another guy's night."

"Good. Make it sting." Carlos joked.

"Will do. See you soon."

With that, they hung up. Before immediately punching in Logan's contact on the device, Kendall glanced over his shoulder to change lanes, getting a quick look at Dylan in his car seat at the same time.

"Is Uncle James bringing Fox?" he asked.

"I'm sure he will, Dyl, he knows you love that little guy." _Not to mention he takes him absolutely everywhere anyway._

"Daddy, I wanna dog for Christmas."

"A dog? Well, we'll put that on your list when we write to Santa, okay? We're gonna call Uncle Logan right now, though, sound good?"

An enthusiastic nod was his answer. Kendall pulled off the freeway at the street he needed to be on to go to Carlos's place before hitting the touch screen to dial Logan's number. After the second ring, the blond's eyes flicked down to the clock. It was just after five on a Friday, Logan was probably either getting ready for work or already there. The movie theater Logan was working part time out turned out to be really flexible with his school hours. Nice for a him, a little difficult for those trying to get a hold of him at a decent hour.

"Hey, it's Logan! Sorry I missed ya, leave me a message and I'll get back to you when I can. Thanks!"

Kendall sighed before forcing himself to perk up more as he looked in the rearview mirror at his son. "Say 'Uncle Logan, pick up your phone.'"

"Uncle Logan pick up your phooooone!" Dylan raised his little voice loudly, earning a laugh from his father.

"Uncle Carlos got me hot dogs, and Uncle James- Uncle James is gonna bring Fox, and we're gonna watch- we're gonna watch Cars." The little boy was talking so fast he was stumbling over his words.

"Oh, we're watching Cars? This is news to me." Kendall laughed.

"Yes, and Nemo, too! 'Cause Uncle Carlos lets me pick."

"You hear that, Logie? You're missing out on Cars and Nemo." The older blond chuckled.

Kendall stayed quiet as Dylan got into a hurried, long-winded story about how his friend at daycare's mom was a doctor and how he told said friend that his uncle Logan's "gonna be the best doctor in the whole world." He loved that Dylan knew who Logan was, not to mention loved him as much as he loved his other 'uncles' that he actually saw on a regular basis, but there was a part of him that made the faint smile on his face a little sad.

Because, sure, Logan heard about everything at some point, got the pictures and the Facetime chats, but he wasn't _there_. Not all the time. There was still so much to miss between visits. He tried not to let it bother him, because Logan had a life of his own and that was fantastic. It was just this night in particular –a night that, yeah, might have been yet another of their usual guy's nights, but was also a comforting distraction from the fact that he'd just gotten divorced- he wished that his third best friend was there with the rest of them, too.

"Wrap it up, buddy, we're here." Kendall murmured to a still chattering Dylan as he pulled into the driveway at Carlos's.

Almost the second the car was in park, Kendall noticed the front door of the two story house open. James half jogged his way to the side of the car, Fox trailing along at his heels. The brunet quickly opened the door once it was unlocked, earning a laugh from Dylan as he raised his voice to still be heard on the phone.

"Uncle James is gonna take me, no!" The little boy giggled.

"Who're you talking to?" James asked as he undid Dylan's car seat buckles.

"Logan's voicemail." Kendall answered.

"Oh." James turned his face toward the device. "What's up, we're having fun without you again, asshole."

"Watch your _mouth_." Kendall scolded when Dylan laughed.

James simply shrugged before hurriedly turning back to the four year old and scooping him out of his car seat with a playful growl. Dylan was in a fit of giggles, but shrieked out a 'bye, Uncle Logan!' as James dangled him upside-down in the crook of one arm. A moment later the car door was shut and it was just Kendall laughing quietly and watching James drag the boy into the house as he shook his head to himself.

"As you can see, we're having all kinds of fun here." He chuckled, then paused to chew at his lip and take a deep breath. "I miss you, Logan. We all really do." Tiredly, the blond ran a hand down over his face and sighed. "Call me when you can, alright? Love you, man."

He pushed the button to end the call, then finally shut his car off to go inside and enjoy his evening with at least _most _of his favorite guys.


End file.
